some last words

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
(Jim Harkins)

Inscription on a tombstone:"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
Seen in Ashland, New Hampshire


I wonder why he shot me?
Huey P. Long,
governor in Louisiana, was murdered.

Let me think... I wonder if an anvil will drop like an apple?
Said to be the last words of Sir Isaac Newton

Don't worry! It's not loaded.

He wasn't paranoid, they really were after him.
(Epitaph)

Here lies Charles Cuevas. He once said "Gimme hockey, or gimme death." He didn't quite get hockey.
(Epitaph)

So, you are a cannibal?
Priyanka Bomb


Don't let it end this way, tell them I said something.
Poncho Villa

Here lies Lester Moore,

Four shots from a .44,
No Les,
no more.


Poorly Lived and Poorly Died
Poor buried and no one Cried

 Well shoot me. [pause] NOT LITERALLY!!

"I'm looking for loopholes"
W.C. Fields when asked why he was reading the Bible on his deathbed.

Somebody give me a match so I can see where the gas is coming from! Words spoken during a power outage

"Oh the pain... I can't believe my favorite cow died."
Said to be the last words of Frank Parchochy, before being speared by indigenous people

Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies.
Voltaire on his deathbed, in response to a priest who asked him to renounce Satan

"Honey, would you please get me a fork?"
The man who owned the first toaster

Epitaph on gravestone:
Here lies the body of colourblind Fred
Thought the lights were green when they were red

It's not like I don't know how to clean my gun.

 I hope that none of my friends come to my funeral, because if that's the case, I'll have outlived them all.

'......'
the last words of a mute

If you were to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

When you go home, tell them of us and say: 'For your tomorrow we gave our today.'
WWII Memorial Inscription


I feel nothing, apart from a certain difficulty in continuing to exist.
Bernard de Fontenelle

Stranger, approach this spot with gravity: John Brown is filling his last cavity.
Tombstone of a dentist