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DIFFERENT WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER:
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

Ask what the order taker is wearing.

Change your accent every three seconds.

Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.


Imitate the order taker's voice.

Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.

Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."

When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"


What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

If you want to survive in life, you've got to know where your towel is.
"Douglas Adams"

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

 I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

 Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away.

One night, I was lying in bed looking up at the stars, when suddenly I said to myself, "Hey, where did my ceiling go?"

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Stupid quote: Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Answer to stupid quote: Because they aren't put in the dryer.